Words are the verbal vibrations we send out into the universe. They reveal, and often inspire, our internal thoughts and conversations. This is important to understand because our words are generally the precursors to our actions. I talk a lot about how we are created in the image and likeness of our creative source (God). As such, we are imbued with the power to create our occurring world. One of the major tools we utilize to weave our creations are the words we speak and trust me, the words we casually toss around as we go about our busy lives do not return void. That being said, I would like to discuss a particular word I hear uttered all the time, sorry.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.” “Just say you’re sorry and I’ll forgive you.” “I told you I’m sorry. How many more times do I have to say it?” It sounds innocent enough, just a few variations on giving or requesting an apology. But what if we replaced the word sorry with its’ meaning? How would it land on you then? “Oh, I’m regrettable.” “I’m so tragic. It’s all my fault.” “Just say you’re deplorable and I’ll forgive you.” “I told you I’m pathetic. How many more times do I have to say it?” Feels quite a bit different now doesn’t it? Yet, this is exactly what the underlying energy is conveying. There’s also something else to consider. As a gender, it’s been my experience that women are conditioned to be more apologetic across the board but not in a way that merely takes responsibility for a misstep or wrong doing. What I’m noticing is the growing compulsion for my sisters (a term that describes all women I share the planet with) to use this word as a precursor for having a difference in thought, opinion, experience and in some cases simply for their presence. As young girls we receive subtle programming that instructs us on the party line and how to tow it. We’re trained to be meek, mild-mannered, soft-spoken, polite, unassuming, dainty, nurturing, caring and so forth and while these are wonderful qualities they are only a partial view of our multifaceted diamondhood. Women may be nurturing, caring and generous by nature but we are also strong, bold, determined and brash. I find it interesting how society celebrates the latter qualities in men but tends to deem them undesirable of flat out wrong in women. Which gender serves up apologies more is a widely debated topic and not one I wish to take on here. I am not arguing against apologizing when you have unintentionally injured another person, inconvenienced someone, or acted in a manner that is rude or careless. Instead I’d like to focus on how the knee-jerk, genuflecting manner in which women using the word sorry has reached epidemic proportions. I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while and recently had a wonderful conversation with my roommate Amy about the topic. We discussed the various ways in which we ourselves have used the word sorry, our observations of other people’s use of the word, and the energy and feelings its’ use conjures. Sorry is a low energy generating word that evokes feelings of victimhood and hopelessness, especially when utilized under improper contexts. For instance, I operate a busy switchboard at a major global retailer where providing exemplary care to clients and team members is priority one. My accommodating nature and generous spirit allow me to execute this expectation in effortless fashion but as I’ve actively engaged in the practice of noting how often I use the word, I’m sorry to report I liberally season my conversations with it as well. Reflecting on how often I said it during my recent shift left me flabbergasted. The aspect of this that concerns me most is how often I regurgitate the sorry mantra for things beyond my control. During a scheduled shift I can receive anywhere from 25 on the lower end to 100 calls per hour which are placed on hold while the requested party is paged. If not retrieved the call cycles back to the switchboard at which time I find myself saying “I’m sorry, they didn’t answer,” instead of simply advising their desired party did not respond and offering an attempt to reach them again. A casual crunching of the numbers will quickly point to the fact that I probably say it enough in one week to cover any actual offences I might commit for the remainder of the year. Since deciding to pay more attention to how often I utter this word I’ve noticed how every time I serve up this auto-sorry I’m left feeling somehow at fault which further depletes my energy. The interesting thing is I am actively engaged in the process of making more mindful word choices yet I fall into the sorry trap. Why is that? Perhaps it’s a combination of things that create a perfect sorry-filled storm. Between the broad socialization that conditions women to be subservient and a more general desire in most people regardless of gender, color, or creed not to offend, sorry has become a quick-fix societal band-aid that we slap indiscriminately on everything. Outside of its use in situations of offering condolences we tend use it as a lure when we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings with an honest statement; when we want to make a request we fear will be inconvenient or an imposition; or to keep the peace when dealing with prickly personalities but the end results are always the same. The chronic use of the word sorry leaves us feeling disempowered and unexpressed. If we want to powerfully create our lives wouldn’t we be better served by using words that are a more accurate reflection of our desires and intentions? I invite you to consider the impact of your words not just on others, but on yourself. I was raised under the belief in the importance of treating people as I wish to be treated which is something I truly value but I also believe that statement deserves deeper examination. If you don’t love, respect and appreciate yourself you deplete your own value. Without self-value it’s impossible to truly value anyone else. One of the best ways to raise your self-worth is to remain vigilant with regard to your conscious and subconscious self-talk. What are you really saying with the words you speak? Mind your words so that you may mine your words. Remember, positive out equals positive in. The truth about me is that I like helping other people which may be a slight understatement of the fact because in all honesty, I really love it! I remember my grandmother telling me stories about my great-grandma Polly; about how generous she was. She would give the shirt off of her back to someone who needed her help. I feel like that’s part of my genetic gift. I love making a difference with people and inspiring them. Nothing brings me more joy than to bring a smile to someone else's face, but there’s a flip side.
The other truth is that I really dislike asking people for things, asking for help. Just like the intense emotion of delight I derive from assisting others, the polar opposite is how I feel when it comes to reaching out to others for support. I have a huge internal conversation around doing so. Everything from you’re a failure; you need to be more self-sufficient and independent; you should be more successful by now to you can’t trust people; you don’t have anyone you can really depend on; no one cares what’s going on with you, they have their own problems; you’re all alone, just deal with it. Funny thing is, when approached by family or friends for my assistance that has never been my first reaction. I’ve welcomed friends into my home when they needed a safe harbor and have freely given money to those who asked for it without question. I’m delighted to assist the ones I love and care for so why do I worry my requests will be met with disregard or contempt? Perhaps it stems from my experience of having my generosity mistaken for foolery. Though most people treated my kindness with reverence there were those who completely disrespected me and took total advantage of my giving nature. This created in me a tendency to doubt and mistrust others. Though, as I learn, grow and evolve, I’ve come to recognize that a mistrust of others is merely a lack of trust in myself. Tuning into my inner guidance is a key component to knowing when I am dealing with someone of a like-minded, generous and loving spirit. The more you know, understand, accept and respect yourself the more you will experience the same mirrored back to you. These lessons wrapped in sandpaper may be uncomfortable but if we choose to work through them instead of allowing them to suspend our forward motion we will come through the other side wiser, stronger and happier. Never allow the negative thoughts or actions of another person alter the beautiful, loving spirit you were born being. |